Translation of the dictator's personal account

The apartheid dictator gave his personal account of his recovery in the state controlled newspaper. Since the dictator and all commies speak with forked tongues, El Cafe Cubano will provide you with a translation:

"For many months I depended on I/Vs and catheters through which I received an important part of my nourishment," he wrote. "Today I receive orally everything my recovery requires." He added: "I tell everyone simply that I am getting better and maintain a stable weight of about 80 kg (176lb)."

Translation:

For all those suckers out there who thought I was dead, I just renewed my pact with the devil! I was on deaths door, but after seeing what raulita has done with the office deco and the color schemes, I have to hang on! Screw medical care for Cubans, I have the best medical care provided and the best doctors available, imported from Spain of course! I have to crap in a bag and I'm fed rectally. Tell everyone I will be back to screw the country of Cuba, whom I hate, and the people I hate the most: CUBANS!

"It wasn't just one operation, but various," he wrote. "Initially there was no success and this led to a prolonged recuperation."


Translation:

I am not going to tell those pesky exiles what really happened! My pact is not for long and I am not looking at any clocks! I am in such bad shape and look very thin, no matter what Adidas outfit I put on, I look terrible and can't let the world see me like this! raulita is scared what I might say and that I might do the pole thing with mini-me!


"For now, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, reflecting and writing about questions that I judge of certain importance and transcendence. I have a lot more material to go."

Translation:

For now I have to keep covering my ass both literally and physically! I can't believe all those suckers in the media that still believe my B.S.!